Entry log #7 -The Untitle-ing

Well, usually I'd be ranting now. But I don't have anything bad to say! I'm too happy. :D It's weird man... Kinda scary! So here's the deal. Me and this girl I've been talking about; Shaina, are now dating. It's awesome. Too good. lol New Bryan is saying just enjoy it! But old mid2009-mid2010 Woman Hating Bryan is saying thinking horrible things.

Aaron says Shaina has soften me up. I didn't know I was that edgy. In retrospect I can see what he meant. I didn't really care too much about my looks/what people thought of me this past year. And I'm glad I was like that. I learned a lot for sure, however; I think I'm back to the old original Bryan, High school Bryan, but Adult Bryan.
I like caring again. I like having someone care about me. And having someone genuine. So this whole thing has been a circle. I feel like I'm me again.

It's been good hanging out with her. We have great chats and laugh a lot. But then I have to remember it's only two weeks in. So I feel as if I should step back a bit. I don't know what to think. Do I just be laid back and see where it goes, or do I get attached and hang on. I'm still very skeptical I suppose. But when I see her I think. Why? Why should I be laid back Bryan. She gorgeous, caring, fun, ambitious. So I don't know.

It's Negative Bryan fighting Positive Bryan.

Do I want to go in head first and risk it and be hurt again like I have been twice before? Or maybe I'd go in head first and possibly have this absolutely beautiful relationship.

I don't know. It's a weird thing.
Well all's I knows is this girl is Sane and I like her a lot. So Why not? Dex would be proud. Haha me and Dexter had this saying in College. "Why not".

I think I now understand what it really means.

So that's whats been on my mind. She also put her hand on my wall :) By that I mean... In my house, I have a room where I go to get away from the world. It's called my 'Jam' room. It used to be my old bed room. Now it's where my friends and I hangout. So I ended up taking the doors off my closet and putting a couch in it. LOL I know, it's awesome. But on the inside of the closet I get my friends to draw an outline of there hand and then Sign/Date the inside of the hand. So Shaina's is in there. I just wish I didn't have my other EX gf's hand in there. I feel it's insulting to put someone like Shaina's hand beside it. I HATE, I LOATH my exes. And I love my friends. So to have the ex's hand up on the wall frustrates me to have it beside the people I do love.
I've thought about painting over it.
Something tells me I shouldn't. It's like erasing over something I learned a lot from. Even though I hate it. I have to keep it. To remind me. Or something poetic like that.

Other things. I miss my sister misty a lot. I wish I was better to her :(

Bryan's Fliff Night

Now I'd like to say I'm good at holding my own when it comes to alcohol. And I usually am. But contrary to the Black Eyed Peas, tonight wasn't a good night. All in all. Aaron and I had a blast.
But for me, if there's one thing that goes wrong. I have trouble letting it go. It's not that I got tanked or loaded in anyway. I just had a couple of drinks and an ego.

This whole past week Aaron and I have been talking about comedy and doing awkward things in person. Aaron tells me these stories, some that involve him saying horribly vile things. Now as I'm laughing at these things I'm thinking, jesus, I should try this too. To try breaking my comfort zone so to speak.

1) After 3 Pints, Aaron and I are at the bar seats and the Waitress comes over and I make silly remark about how the old people can even dance to this shit AC/DC cover band's song. She laughs. Then says
"Omg wait till you see the guy in the Red shirt dance".
And while being in the mind set to be weird, rude, and awkward. I say something like
"We'll if he dances as good as he looks then he's a keeper."
I soon realize that none of that made any sense and made me seem homosexual. But whatever, as ridiculous as it was, I tell Aaron this, he laughs we get another pitcher of beer.

2) Earlier on we saw some old acquaintances 2 guys, and 1 girl (and her friend, also a girl). One of the guys I remember in high school as being a jokester/prankster. The Raven of the high school party club, so to speak. He had even made some witty and obscene jokes himself. After the night was pretty much over. I go to say good bye to him and the others. With his knee is out and a quiet moment, I go for it. Another stupid joke. I pretend to sit on his knee and do the ol' Kris Kringle and say something stupid like "Ohhh so I want a Pony and I want a..." Fuck off we've all done it before.
So, what I thought would break the silence, turned into him saying. "Get off me or I'll punch you in the Balls."
Now, as a man. I understand where he's coming from. I was in the wrong, however; being tanked and with this guy that I thought was a friend who also joked around, I wasn't realllly in the wrong. He did/said worse things than I did just 5 mins. ago. Fuck people can't joke anymore. Maybe I'm not good at this comedy thing?

3) So Aaron and I are walking these two girls home. I'm pretty sure they're both drunk. Any hoo, half way through the walking we realize that we're all going to have to split soon. One of the girls offers to drive everyone home. As her house is closest and she has a vehicle, we all agree. When it came time to get in her car, it was all frozen over. Naturally, Aaron and I offer to scrape it off. There's some like...
"No we'll do it",
"No it's OK you're driving us, we'll do it."
"But no you walked us home blah blah blah".
Finally I said,
"Don't worry, I'll do it. Like a Gynecologist, I'm good at scraping things".
There was like a good 3 Mississippis before the girls caught on. The one said "Oh I get it. Ew."
The other said "That's gross and not funny."

I got a drive home and here I am after a night of miscommunication.

Your Friend,
Bryan