Well, usually I'd be ranting now. But I don't have anything bad to say! I'm too happy. :D It's weird man... Kinda scary! So here's the deal. Me and this girl I've been talking about; Shaina, are now dating. It's awesome. Too good. lol New Bryan is saying just enjoy it! But old mid2009-mid2010 Woman Hating Bryan is saying thinking horrible things.
Aaron says Shaina has soften me up. I didn't know I was that edgy. In retrospect I can see what he meant. I didn't really care too much about my looks/what people thought of me this past year. And I'm glad I was like that. I learned a lot for sure, however; I think I'm back to the old original Bryan, High school Bryan, but Adult Bryan.
I like caring again. I like having someone care about me. And having someone genuine. So this whole thing has been a circle. I feel like I'm me again.
It's been good hanging out with her. We have great chats and laugh a lot. But then I have to remember it's only two weeks in. So I feel as if I should step back a bit. I don't know what to think. Do I just be laid back and see where it goes, or do I get attached and hang on. I'm still very skeptical I suppose. But when I see her I think. Why? Why should I be laid back Bryan. She gorgeous, caring, fun, ambitious. So I don't know.
It's Negative Bryan fighting Positive Bryan.
Do I want to go in head first and risk it and be hurt again like I have been twice before? Or maybe I'd go in head first and possibly have this absolutely beautiful relationship.
I don't know. It's a weird thing.
Well all's I knows is this girl is Sane and I like her a lot. So Why not? Dex would be proud. Haha me and Dexter had this saying in College. "Why not".
I think I now understand what it really means.
So that's whats been on my mind. She also put her hand on my wall :) By that I mean... In my house, I have a room where I go to get away from the world. It's called my 'Jam' room. It used to be my old bed room. Now it's where my friends and I hangout. So I ended up taking the doors off my closet and putting a couch in it. LOL I know, it's awesome. But on the inside of the closet I get my friends to draw an outline of there hand and then Sign/Date the inside of the hand. So Shaina's is in there. I just wish I didn't have my other EX gf's hand in there. I feel it's insulting to put someone like Shaina's hand beside it. I HATE, I LOATH my exes. And I love my friends. So to have the ex's hand up on the wall frustrates me to have it beside the people I do love.
I've thought about painting over it.
Something tells me I shouldn't. It's like erasing over something I learned a lot from. Even though I hate it. I have to keep it. To remind me. Or something poetic like that.
Other things. I miss my sister misty a lot. I wish I was better to her :(
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